Kara padded into the office, with her waistband full of leaves wrapped around her waist; she carried with her a notepad and ball-point pen. Along for the ride was her usual disgruntled attitude as she dealt with the task at hand: interviewing The Humble and the Bold. Aedus Sheridan wore an insufferably smug look on his face, the kind worthy enough to be stuffed with a fist sandwich.
His counterpart, Bernard, refused to sit down, knowing full well he’d end up paying for any chairs he broke. Too many pieces of furniture had faced a grim fate to his weight. Kara hopped up onto the seat opposite of the two Hunters, soliciting an annoyed grunt of exertion.
“So, uh, thanks for showin’ up to your team assessment today. You must be The Humble and The Bold.” Kara glanced at the paperwork in front of her, organizing it, muttering “Can’t believe I’m doing this for Robin…” under her breath. She hastily masked her dissatisfaction; after all, she only had to interview a few teams today. This, she thought, should be relatively--
So much for simple. The Vulpix seemed too calm, which only added to the Pancham’s frustration. “It’s not every day you finish a dungeon expedition and fight off some douche-y king, am I right?” he smugly added.
The turtle, on the other hand, wished for this meeting to go smoothly. “Young Aedus, did we not discuss this earlier? I said follow my lead, and don’t make a scene, if you wouldn't mind.” Sadly, Aedus refused to acquiesce, as was his ingratiating nature.
Kara found the fox’s nonchalance irritating. Why couldn’t Sundance or, hell, Cuffin do this instead of her? Did everyone enjoy dumping truckloads of responsibilities on her? Was Robin angry at her for some reason? Either way, her stomach twisted and churned in disgust.
“Yeah, not every day…” Her voice trailed off at the end of that sentence, as she rolled her eyes. “So, I take it one of you is the leader?”
“I am, actually,” Bernard replied. “I apologize if there’s been any confusion regarding leadership with us.”
“Yeah, he's the boss. Though, that’s not to say I’m pretty boss myself.” Aedus licked his paw and slicked his hair back, hoping in vain to look cool. Bernard crossed his arms and sighed in discomfort, feeling sorry for Kara. Although, who wouldn't feel sorry for Kara at this point?
Said Pancham, despite her growing resentment of the vulpine, quietly reminded herself that Robin was counting on her to do this, and she at least had to put in some effort into giving a shit about this assignment, if only for her sake. So, calmly drawing in a breath, she said, with clenched teeth, “Okay, then, how ‘bout we start with a run-down of your team activities. What is it you two do?” Her attention drifted toward the Vulpix first. "How 'bout you, Mr. Boss?" If one could imagine the biggest air quotes imaginable, they'd fit snugly around that last word like an ugly sweater.
An equally nauseating smirk marked itself on Aedus’s smug face. “Well, the first thing I do is…”
Help the hungry! (Like a boss)
Explore dungeons! (Like a boss)
Prep for tasks! (Like a boss)
Train for hours! (Like a boss)
Tour newcomers! (Like a boss)
My own apartment!
Do some parkour!
Hit on Illusia! (Like a boss)
Send some letters!
Binge on porn! (Like a boss)
Hit the Livewire!
Harassment lawsuit! (Like a boss)
Get my pay docked!
Piss on the Livewire!
Buy Tomato Berries! (Like a boss)
In my mouth!
”Ah, fuck me, I can't fuckin' do it, shiiit!”
Pussy out! (Like a boss)
Pint of vodka!
Jump out the window!
Into a trash can!
Researcher's HQ! (Like a boss)
Sneak into the labs!
Mix some chemicals!
Score some coke! (Like a boss)
Wander in the sewers!
Meet a giant fish!
Play some Scrabble!
Turn into a jet! (Like a boss)
Crash into the sun!
Now I’m dead!
“…” Kara, throughout this whole song, went from mildly annoyed to incredibly annoyed. Aedus didn’t seem the least bit fazed by her expressions, which only added to the tension. The Pancham blocked out the urge to puke. “So, that’s an average day for you, then?”
Aedus nodded his head, still as nonchalant as he was at the beginning of the interview. “No doubt.” Bernard just stood there, mortified.
“So you make a cure for cancer, and die?” the Pancham tentatively asked.
“Hell yeah.” Aedus nodded his head slowly, still wearing that smug grin.
Frustration made Kara's left eye twitch. "And, you said something about a...jet? What the hell is that?"
"Dunno. Kinda just came to my mind. Sounds like something that goes fast, y'know?"
Having run out of fucks to give, Kara gathered her notes and hopped off the chair, slowly making her way to the door. “Well. This has been…. eye-opening for me,” she huffed. All the while, she’d been doodling on her notepad out of sheer boredom, with several, tiny pictures of her fists uncovering incredible and innovative ways to relocate the Vulpix's teeth. “If y’all will excuse me, I need to file these notes under your folder. ‘Scuze me.” The two watched her slam the door with incredible force.
"THAT was it? THAT was your first impression??" A disbelieving Bernard face-palmed in horror. His manchild of a partner had already embarrassed himself in front of Cuffin and Reuben, and now Kara? Was he trying to set some sort of record for how fast he could ruin his credibility? "What do you have to say for yourself, you impertinent vulpine?" Bernard asked angrily.
With a grin, Aedus simply said, "Totally worth it."